Feast of the Holy Family 'A'

Sunday December 30, 2007

On this feast of the Holy Family, deacons will be preaching at Assumption and St Luke Parishes where I preside at Eucharist. However, here are my thoughts for what they are worth.

We Are Family

The Scriptures for the feast of the Holy Family are a Judeo-Christian mosaic of the ideal family “in voto,” but not “in re”—that is, they invite us to consider the ideal on which a family is built rather than the reality. Or rather, the readings challenge us to consider the reality with a view toward the ideal. Someone has said somewhere that vision filtered through reality leads to achievable goals.

Preachers, especially celibate preachers, tend to romanticize the qualities that mark the ideal family. But the very definition of family has changed over the course of time. We are much more sensitive to the exceptional situations that characterize family life in our society. This is not to suggest that there are no working definitions. It is to suggest only that in truth there are no “ideal” families, only families of different shapes, sizes, and characteristics trying to make family work.

It has also been said more than once that we cannot program our lives. Life unfolds or as one author put it, “Life is what happens when you are planning something else.” It takes unexpected turns most of which are not the result of a personal or family decision but due rather to unexpected incidents and events—illness, physical or mental; loss of job; personality differences, and so on.

So, on this weekend dedicated to family life, I invite you to reflect on ‘family life’ through the lens of the unexpected or unanticipated events that are inevitable in the life of any family. Despite the fact that they were written for people in another time and culture, the Scriptures provide ‘common ground’ that we might ponder as we move into another year, no matter what the composition of our particular family.

Mutual respect — children toward parents and parents toward children — is a basic virtue and a perennial value applicable to any age or culture despite the changes in family structure that have occurred down through the ages. Respect means to give attention to another; to look at another with reverence. But the application extends far beyond the members of a biological family to the parish, to the neighborhood, to the work environment, to the political arena and even to global relationships. James Baldwin made this very insightful observation: “Children have never been very good at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

Carl Jung has suggested said that a loss of the sense of the spiritual is often the cause of personal and family dysfunction. As I understand him, he was referring to an awareness of God’s presence not just within our own soul but within the soul of humanity. Oddly enough, despite our belief in the incarnation—the divine word incarnate in the human person of Jesus—it is easier for many of us to express belief in a transcendent God who dwells in the heavens than to believe in the immanent God who dwells in our deepest self. Perhaps we prefer to keep God at a “safe” distance so that we can blame or ignore God and get on with our life.

Yet, as we become more convinced of the reality of God’s presence within us, our attitude toward one another changes dramatically. If God is the ground of our being and the source of all life, how can we not move toward greater respect toward one another despite our differences. The truly remarkable saints in our tradition and in any tradition sooner or later came to the conclusion that the greatest act of faith is the reverence of God’s presence in ourselves and others. In fact the greatest prayer is not that spoken with the lips but that expressed through the labor of one’s heart and hands toward our neighbor.

Life is not predictable. No matter how hard we try, we fail. No matter how much we study, we are still blind to life’s deepest mysteries. No matter how faithful we are to prayer, we still want our own way. No matter how much we plan, we are unable to chart the course of history or control the destiny of others much less our own.

I am convinced the ‘Ed Koch date’ works for newly married couples because they have told me so. This is a periodic ‘date’ on which couples go to a comfortable place in their home or in the park or wherever and ask themselves, “How are we doing as a married couple? What’s working in our relationship; what’s not working?” It’s an opportunity to affirm as well as to critique—critique, not criticize. There is no reason why this technique could not work for the entire family unit whatever its composition.

The second date is the romantic date. Yes, romance is an opportunity to integrate sexuality but is it more than sex. There is a romantic aspect to every vocation, call and career. It requires reflection and an appreciation of the spiritual dimension to life—God’s presence in our lives as individuals and as a family.

The celebration of Eucharist at this table each week combines the best of the Ed Koch date and the romantic date. Does that sound strange to you? The weekly readings provide a matrix through which we can examine the quality of our relationship with God and with one another. The prayers, music; the moments of silence and the camaraderie among friends and neighbors can make us more enthusiastic about life and life’s goals.

After all, we are family seeking to be whole and holy.


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