Feast of the Holy Family 'B'

Sunday December 28, 2008

A Work in Progress

The Scriptures for this feast of the Holy Family are a Judeo-Christian mosaic of the ideal family. They move us to consider the ideal on which a family is invited to dwell in the interim between Christmas and the start of a New Year rather than the reality. Or rather, the readings challenge us to consider the reality with a view toward the ideal. Someone has said somewhere that vision filtered through reality leads to concrete achievable goals.

Preachers, especially celibate preachers, tend to romanticize the qualities that mark the ideal family. The very definition of family has changed over the course of time. There is a need for greater sensitivity toward the exceptional situations that characterize family life in our society. This is not to suggest that there are no longer any working definitions; it is to suggest only that in truth there are no “ideal” families, only families of different shapes, sizes, and characteristics moving toward the ideal, trying to make family work—one day at a time. In other words, family is a work in progress.

Someone has said: “Life is what happens when you are planning something else.” It takes unexpected turns that are not always the result of personal or family choices but of unanticipated circumstances such as personality and gender differences including differences in sexual orientation. And there are unanticipated events and incidents that can derail a family: the loss of a job, an unexpected pregnancy involving a son or daughter, the disclosure of sexual abuse of a child by a trusted relative or friend, the revelation of an affair by a husband or wife, divorce and the list goes on.

So, on this weekend dedicated to family life, I invite you to reflect on the ideal of ‘family life’ through the lens of the unexpected or unanticipated events not necessarily as serious as those mentioned above, that are inevitable in the life of any family. Despite the fact that they were written for people in another time and culture, the Scriptures provide ‘common ground’ on which—no matter the composition of our particular family—we might consider as we move into another year.

Mutual respect — children toward parents and parents toward children—is a basic virtue and a perennial value applicable to any age or culture despite the changes in family structure that have occurred down through the ages. James Baldwin made this very insightful observation: “Children have never been very good at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

Respect means giving attention to another, looking upon another with reverence. But the application extends far beyond the members of a biological family to the parish, to the neighborhood, to the work environment, to the political arena and even to global relationships.

The early 20th century psychologist, Carl Jung, suggested that a loss of the sense of the spiritual is often the cause of personal and family dysfunction. He was referring to an awareness of God’s presence not just within our own soul but also within the soul of humanity. Oddly enough, despite our belief in the incarnation — the divine word incarnate in the human person of Jesus — it is easier for many of us to express belief in a transcendent God who dwells in the heavens than to believe in the immanent God who dwells in our deepest self. Perhaps we prefer to keep God at a “safe” distance.

Yet, as we become more convinced of the reality of God’s presence within, our attitude toward others changes dramatically. If God is the source of life and the ground of our being how can we not have greater respect for one another despite our differences? The saints came to the conclusion that the greatest act of faith is the reverence of the divine indwelling. The greatest prayer is not that spoken with the lips but that expressed through the labor of our heart and hands toward our neighbor.

Life is not predictable. No matter how hard we try, we fail. No matter how much we study, we are still blind to life’s deepest mysteries. No matter how faithful we are to prayer, we still want our own way. No matter how much we plan, we are unable to chart the course of history or control the destiny of others much less our own.

There is a need for more respectful dialogue within families. There is a need for more respectful dialogue within the Church. There is a need for more respectful dialogue within the workplace and among political entities. There is need for more respectful dialogue among nations.

The challenges that face us as individuals, as a family, as a church and as a nation are formidable. Dialogue can open the door to new insights and a greater understanding of these challenges leading to a new truth that brings us together rather than one that drives us apart.

But dialogue without prayer can lead to confusion and the unwillingness to listen carefully before we speak. Prayer provides the assurance that God will be present in our exchanges whatever our differences. There is room for everyone in God’s dominion and at God’s table.

“Inclusivity is undisputedly becoming a reality that enriches the lives of many, but others continue to live in a nightmare of fear and insecurity. The dream must expand to every member of the family. Therefore, those of us who are free to celebrate the gift of family today are compelled because of our membership in the family of Jesus to work diligently and to speak out boldly until absolutely every member of our human family can share the same joys.” [Pamela Sanchez, Celebration, A Comprehensive Worship Resource, National Catholic Reporter Publishing Company Inc., December 2008]

Yes, we are a work in progress.

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