The women in my life... and yours

Monday April 11, 2011

It has been several weeks since we have communicated and many of you may be wondering what has become of me. I’m taking this opportunity to share some of my reflections about the journey on which I have embarked or rather, a journey that has been assigned to me, I believe, by a higher power.

When I accepted the challenge to commit myself to a preferential option for victims of sexual abuse, especially those abused by clergy or religious persons, I knew that my life would never be the same but I had no idea of how deeply that would impact upon me. Only recently have I come to a fuller awareness of what it means but the journey has opened my mind and heart to other life altering experiences that has increased my appreciation of the role of women in the ministry of healing and in the life of the Church.

This morning I spent an hour and a half as the recipient of Healing Touch by two of my close women friends, Maureen and Jean. Those of you who are familiar with ‘healing touch’ (similar to Reiki) ministry are aware of the spiritual power that is unleashed in the care and concern of those who extend to others, the healing power and wisdom of God. Recall that in the Judeo-Christian tradition, the wisdom of God is expressed as a feminine attribute of God –in Greek, ‘Sophia;’ in Latin, ‘Sapientia.’

During the conversation prior to the actual healing treatment, Maureen spoke of the pain that we all experience from time to time in being uprooted from our familiar surroundings. Just as a plant is uprooted so that it might be given space for more adequate growth and therefore become a thing of greater beauty for others, so too, we need to be transplanted so that we may have more space to bask in the rays of God’s grace, imbibe the life-giving water that gives growth and so be energized for the service and enrichment of others.

In recent times with the help of more sophisticated technology, it has become possible to uproot large trees rather than cut them down to provide space for new structures.

To be uprooted can be painful and there is always risk involved.

And so my friends, four years ago it became clear to me that my trunk needed to be uprooted and branches pruned in order to heal from the wounds of over thirty years of advocacy, most of which were hidden long before the issue was exposed in Boston then across the country and now across the world. I was unable to speak publicly about this shadow that had been cast over my ministry as a priest and pastor because in deference to those who were abused, I could not speak to anyone until they were prepared to let their wounds be exposed and their own voices heard

Two months ago, I recognized the need for clinical treatment for major depression that had set in as a result of the trauma that I had over time internalized. As one psychiatrist phrased it, I was traumatized by the trauma of victims. The official diagnosis is PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder/Syndrome. Although professional counselors had helped me, it became clear to them and to me that I was in need of more aggressive clinical treatment and so I was accepted into Carrier Clinic in Belle Mead, NJ on March 2nd for that purpose. My acceptance was at my request and I freely entered that experience with the hope that I would be introduced to a competent team in a caring environment that would provide more intense therapy. I was not disappointed and although I am nowhere near the end of the journey, I was deeply touched by the attention of the healing team. I was released two weeks ago and entered the outpatient phase. However, I have decided that it may be necessary to complete the ECT treatments as an inpatient and so tomorrow (Wednesday) I will return to Carrier to consult about that possibility. (ECT is the term used for Electro Convulsive Therapy that has proven to be quite successful in 80 to 95% of those for whom drugs and psychotherapy have not been successful or only relatively successful.)

That stated I should like to explore with you more about the spiritual journey that has been such an important part of this healing process.

As a young priest, I recall the advice of by one of our retreat directors: “No priest is worth his salt until he has walked through Gethsemane with Jesus.” As a brash and cocky young priest, I thought I understood his words and later believed that I had been there during a particularly trying period in my life as a priest. I have even repeated those words to others in my homilies. But you know what? I didn’t have a clue then and only recently have I begun to understand.

It has become clear to me in recent years how much our Church has expressed a preference for a masculine cadence in its structures and in its exclusionary attitude toward the venerable feminine qualities that are so important to our ancient Judeo-Christian tradition referred to above. As I use the term ‘feminine qualities’ I am referring not only to wisdom and insight but also to strength. In the words of my cousin, “Ken, women have been the strength of our family!” as we both listed the names of the great women who have and continue to influence us – + Grandma Lasch, + Catherine Bradley, + Irene, + Mother Theresa, Edwina, Carol, Dorothy, Elaine, Margaret, Bernadette, Maris, Anne, Maureen, Marilyn, Jean, Georgette, Linda, Donna, Dorian, Dorothy, and a host of others living and dead all of whom have borne the image of the Christ and have shown the face of Christ even to those who refused to recognize him.

I realize now more than ever before how deeply embedded that masculine exclusivity had become in my own life as a priest, indeed, how much it was ingrained in me from my earliest years as a youngster growing up in the Catholic Church – as an altar server, as a seminarian and surely as a priest. Part of the pain of healing from depression is the inner battle with self and the need overcome the will to power and control, putting everything in neat categories and tight boxes. Ugh.

How often I have stated in sermons and homilies and in my writings that we (I) need to surrender to the wisdom (Sophia) of God rather than to the edicts of men with fancy robes and titles but only recently in my battle with depression have I internalized that wisdom.

Of late as I go to my ‘prayer chair’ morning and evening, I find myself standing with the three Mary’s at the foot of the cross as we look up at the dying Christ, his blood mixing with our tears of grief and sorrow.

Bear with me a little more and ‘listen’ to a story.

Surely you have heard of Edwina Gately? She is a woman of great courage whom I consider of equal or of greater stature than the great Thomas Merton, or even Mother Theresa, though she would never lay claim to those attributions. Edwina has had a long history of service to humanity inclusively regardless of status or social standing. She has stood with prostitutes and with abandoned women and housed the homeless of every kind and race.

As with many great women in the history of our Church, Edwina has had her share of rejection by ‘mitred’ men but she has risen time and time again as a woman of he church – the church of people of every rank and file, especially the lowly.

She tells the story of her early desert experience in the Sahara as she was embarking on her mission as a woman of the church. She was ‘deposited’ in the desert with bread and water sufficient to sustain her for her thirty-day experience in solitude. After the departure of her friends, she entered her little tent only to discover that the container water had sprung a leak. Clearly, she would not be able to last without water. She risked leaving her abode in search of water. Off in the distance she saw what appeared to be a mound in the sand. As she approached the mound, it was a woman, a native of the desert. The woman welcomed Edwina and offered her a cup of tea. They exchanged greetings in their own language – neither spoke or understood the other’s tongue but they were able to communicate. And then the woman led her to water where she filled her container enabling Edwina to complete her fast of ‘forty’ days as did the ‘Teacher.’

Make no mistake about it. That exchange was Eucharist is the fullest sense of the word. Please do not tell me that Christ was not present – soul and divinity in that brief encounter, a real and true presence.

And while we are on the subject, please do not tell me that Mary was not the first priest after the Christ that she brought into the world. Who would dare say that this woman who had the strength and courage to give her ‘Yes’ to the Spirit was not a priest of God who presented the Christ to all humanity without exceptions or exclusions.

You can draw your own conclusions but suffice it to say that woman have been and will continue to bring healing and strength to our rich tradition – with or without the permission of the institution because it is the will of a higher power that we call God, Jehovah or Allah.

Had women been allowed to be ‘on deck’ at the outset of the scandal that has rocked the Church, there would not have been the additional scandal of ‘cover-up.’

The journey is long but new pathways are being cleared for those who have eyes to see and ears to hear. These are senses of the heart as well as the head.

Pray for me as I will for you!

Father Lasch

The Lord’s Prayer (One Possible New Translation from the Aramaic)

“O Birther! Father-Mother of the Cosmos,
Focus your light within us — make it useful:
Create your reign of unity now —
Your one desire then acts with ours,
As in all light, so in all forms.

Grant that what we need each day in bread and insight.

Loose the cords of mistakes binding us,
As we release the strands that we hold
of others’ guilt.

Don’t let surface things delude us,
But free us from what holds us back.

From you is born all ruling will,
the power and the life to do,
the song that beautifies all,
from age to age it renews

Truly – power to these statements –
may they be the ground from which all
my actions grow: Amen.”

[Neil Douglas Klotz, MA, Prayers of the Cosmos, Meditations of the Aramaic Words of Jesus.]

“We give you thanks, Spirit of wisdom,
for you speak to us in ways
that often surprise us.
You uncover truths that
we kept hidden from ourselves
and support us in tasks we fear to undertake alone.

We give thanks
for your invitations
to growth and intimacy and fullness of life,
and for the comfort you extend
in your often uphill struggle
to be faithful.
Inspire us. Encourage us.
Fill us with your enthusiasm
for the mission of your Church. Amen.

[Author unknown]

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