“It Was As It Was”

Monday June 27, 2005

The mingling of victim/survivors, their families, victims’ advocates, and a selection of film professionals associated with the production and promotion of “Twist of Faith” last Wednesday evening during a light reception on the fifteenth floor of HBO headquarters was a very welcome respite from the anxiety I experienced all week in anticipation of the preview of this troubling but extraordinary film.

I had trailed a brief but violent storm into the city and arrived at the reception area fifteen stories above Bryant Park just as the sun began to break through the billowy clouds containing scattered pieces of the storm. I was mesmerized momentarily by the view of the irregular skyline made visible by a southern exposure of glass—buildings of various shapes and sizes, architectural gems and nondescript remnants of another era melding with the stark scrapers of a new age. The Empire State Building towered over all the others with the pride of a staunch survivor.

Folks gathering for an evening supper concert below, roof gardens and terraces above and the strange beauty of water towers scattered here and there provided a soothing background to the noise of the nervous travelers who had come from near and far to relive their own pain —not without risk, I’m sure.

“Twist of Faith” directed by Eddie Sschmidt is a 2004 Oscar Nominee Documentary Feature.“It follows the intimate psychological journey of Toney Comes, a firefighter from Toledo, Ohio who claims he survived years of sexual abuse at he hands of a local Catholic priest and teacher, Dennis Gray.” [cf Home Box Office website hbo.com/docs/programs/twistoffaith/]

Tony Comes was one among several children raised in a traditional Catholic home in Toldeo. He attended Catholic schools where he participated in the activities of any average homegrown Catholic boy.

Catholic schools were assumed to provide a safe environment for kids in those days – a home away from home. To be taken under the wings of a popular priest not only fulfilled a parent’s hope but was assumed to be a guarantee of protection from spiritual harm as well as the possibility of a vocation to the priesthood or religious life.

In very graphic language but with great photographic sensitivity, this film trails the betrayal of trust and the devastating effects of the sexual invasion of innocence. Young boys have a way of communicating to their peers a strength they do not recognize their vulnerability to a sinister predator such as Dennis Gray who eventually left the priesthood and is now married and the father of three children of his own.

As in many cases of alleged sexual abuse by clergy or religious, Tony did not have the opportunity to prove his case in criminal court but the video snippets of depositions of public record were included in the film and give some assurance that justice would have been achieved in criminal court had the statute of limitations not expired. Dennis Gray continues to deny any guilt.

As with many victims, Tony had gotten on with his life. His marriage to his beautiful sweetheart and convert to Catholicism, Wendy, was blessed with two handsome children, Samantha now 9 and Michael, 4. Prior to their marriage, Tony had told Wendy about the abuse and all seemed to be going well in their lives until the day that Tony discovered that Dennis Gray had moved into the same neighborhood, and was living just doors away.

It was a traumatic discovery for Tony and he decided to bring his allegations of abuse to the Bishop. Tony was convinced that ‘entrusting’ this information to Bishop Hoffman was the right thing to do. More than this, he believed that this bishop would do the right thing.

As with the majority of victims of sexual abuse by clergy or religious, they were not interested in money. It was never an issue of money. It was about the acknowledgment of abuse , a sincere apology and the assurance that it would never happen again.

In the meantime, the Boston Globe had published stories of notorious sexual abuse by priests of the Archdiocese of Boston accompanied by shocking reports of a cover-up by Cardinal Law.

Tony discovered later that his own bishop was not truthful when asked three times about prior reports of sexual abuse by Dennis Gray. He filed a lawsuit under the name of “John Doe.” However, he eventually went public and with that his life changed even more dramatically as did the life of his family. Media reports cast him into prominence.

There are both heavy and light moments throughout the film. There are both tender and volatile exchanges all of which enable the viewer to grapple viscerally with the reality of what is taking place as if Tony and Wendy were members of our own family.

I was first introduced to director, Eddie Schmidt in April of 2002 at St. Joseph where he had come to video public portions of the summit meeting convened by Mark Serrano. He is an extremely talented and sensitive young man. At that time, he was interested in producing a documentary on the subject of clergy abuse but was obviously in the early stages of investigative reporting. As it turned out, that meeting was just a door opener for him.

He later met up with Kirby Dick who became the producer. It was Kirby’s hope to be able to tell one man’s story that might be paradigmatic for the many victims whose stories have yet to be told.

Kirby and Eddie met this person in Tony Comes. After a great deal of self-questioning and discussion with Wendy, he said ‘yes’ to the invitation to be tracked with mike and camera for as long as it took to tell his story.

Publicity brings its own trauma and so Tony and Wendy had to seek refuge and respite in between intense filming which included self-videography. This technique was not unique to their situation. It made it easier to capture very personal conversations between Tony, Wendy, his mom and other significant figures who shared his trauma among the latter, other alleged victims of Dennis Gray.

Tony’s marriage came close to an irreparable crash but with the help of a good counselor and hard work on their part, Tony and Wendy are still together.

All in all, this is one powerful film that no Catholic should miss and it should be mandatory for every bishop, priest or religious. It is not an easy film to watch and I don’t know if I could view it again tomorrow. I may need some more time.

I have no doubt that some who view it will find fault with the film but I can tell you up front that this film is not about bashing bishops or the Church but about telling the truth.

Those of you who have followed my own path through this mess are familiar with the mantra that has guided me from the beginning: “There will be no healing and forgiveness without justice; there will be no justice without the full truth; no truth without full accountability.”

Mention was made by Tony’s attorney in the film of the notion of a ‘mental reservation.’ It can be found in older moral theology books. In essence, it is the withholding of information or of communicating only a portion of the truth about a particular matter based on the proposition that another person or other persons are not entitled to the information being withheld. So for example, a parent may withhold sensitive information from a child in order not to upset the child. “Mommy, are you and daddy getting a divorce?” Though she has already spoken to an attorney with the intent of proceeding, she may say to child, “Honey, daddy and I are trying to work things out.” This is a classic circumlocution – or the communication of a portion of the truth. Mom tells her a partial truth, i.e., that they are trying to work things out but this can mean that they are going to work to keep the marriage in tact or that they are going to work things out toward an agreement to separate. In the secular world, this is called prevarication, “to stray from or evade the truth, to equivocate.” (The American Heritage Dictionary of English Language,” Third Edition, Houghton Mifflin Co.)

Churchmen and spokespersons for the Church have been known to apply this principle in matters of sexual abuse on the assumption that no one is entitled to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

There are some troubling scenes in this film that may need some further discussion. Sharing his story with Samantha was particularly gentle but difficult to watch as was his personal struggle with the ‘normal’ exchanges of fatherly intimacy with her and with Michael. Children need to be protected from predators and to do this they need to recognize the boundaries that must never be crossed.

Some critics, professional among them may question the inclusion of a rather crude poking of fun at the sordid advances to which some predators have resorted. I suppose it could have been omitted but I believe some people need to be shocked into reality. I have heard and seen much worse and in my opinion “it was as it was and in many respects, still is!”

I am concerned for Wendy. Wives of sexually abused husbands have a particularly difficult road to travel. I suspect they experience a different kind of loneliness. Even as Tony is thrust into the limelight, it is important to recall that she is also a victim of what he suffered. Secondary victims experience the same range of emotions and therefore are entitled to the same attention as primary victims.

What you will see in this film is the truth and I must tell you that it is also my truth. Kirby and Eddie did indeed achieve what they set out to do. This is a paradigmatic example of the story of thousands across this country.

I have no doubt that this film will not remove the scales of denial from the eyes of those who even at this late date – bishops and priests among them – refuse to acknowledge the damage to victims.

I have no doubt that among those who refuse to view the film there will be cries of “Enough! Why can’t they get over it and just get on with their lives?” In my experience, this mantra tends to voiced by those who know the least about the issue.

“Twist of Faith” will be aired on HBO on Tuesday evening, June 28th at 10:00 PM and thereafter distributed to select theaters.

The film will begin its theatrical run in New York on July 1st at the Quad
Cinema.

The Quad Cinema is located at 34 W. 13th St.

For show times and more information about the loft please visit
http://www.quadcinema.com or call 212-777-FILM (#636).

For more information about the film please visit
http://www.twistoffaith.net

In part ‘4’ of Harvey’s interview, I will deal extensively with my own experience of abuse as a ‘secondary victim’ in my own diocese. It may continue for several interviews.

Addendum

Re: Mental Reservation.

It is interesting that in the film, the diocesan spokesperson was quoted by Tony’s attorney as stating that the Code of Canon Law does not contain the notion of a ‘mental reservation.’ While this is true, it is contained in moral theology commentaries. The following quote is taken from “The Encyclopedia of Catholicism;”

“… the addition of a modifying phrase in the mind of a speaker that restricts the meaning of spoken words. The dilemma between the absolute prohibition of lying and the duty to keep a secret gave rise eventually to the doctrine of mental reservation. Some taught the permissibility of strict mental reservation, in which one mentally added a qualification to which the audience had no access. this teaching was condemned by Pope Innocent XI in 1679. However, broad mental reservation, involving the use of equivocal language that was intended to deceived, yet that had a secondary meaning available to the audience, was permitted by virtually all Catholic writers. This teaching has all but disappeared from contemporary moral theology because the conflict between the duty to speak the truth and to preserve secrets is approached differently.”

It would appear that some of our leaders have not completely abandoned this practice.

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