Time to butt out...

Friday November 25, 2005

As the retiring pastor of Saint Joseph Parish in Mendham, this was my concluding message to our parish staff and to our Parish Life Assembly in June of 2004. I hope you will not think me presumptuous in re-publishing it as my concluding commentary on St. Joseph Parish. It is time for me to ‘butt out’ and move on. Life is very short and there is much more to be done before the sun sets.

“A few words of wisdom to the wise is never wasted”

I was thinking about the principle of equalization. In fact, I don’t know if such a ‘principle’ has ever been coined or phrased but the notion has surely been operative over time for a long time.

Upon the departure of a leader no matter how great or small, the process of equalization sets in almost immediately. Though the qualities of great leaders remain in the mind and memory of many, in time their weaknesses and failures begin to show. “S/He was a great leader, but s/he wasn’t perfect…” This is not a bad thing. The private and personal sins of great presidents states-persons have not always diminished their contribution to democracy or to the progress of civilizations.

On the other had, the departure of a tyrant or of just a plain weak leader brings at first sentiments of relief but in time, his good points begin to appear. Just as there is no perfect leader, even the weakest leader has something to offer if only the opportunity for other leaders in the community to surface and shine.

No one gets out of life alive and no one remains ‘king of the mountain’ forever.

So, all in all, it was a great 21 years but you know as well as I that I can’t take the credit for all ‘my’ successes though I will take credit for most of ‘my’ failures.

Over the last few weeks and months much has been said about how much I will be missed. Though I am flattered by those accolades, you need to know that I will take your affirmation, support, loyalty, challenges vs. hassles, and friendship with me. In the words of the Irish ballad, “You made me what I am”—at least the good part.

I did not have a rich legacy to leave but I offer these simple ‘axioms’ as a remembrance:

Data based processes and decisions work better than power-based processes and decisions.

The process is as important as the product, that is, “how” we do things is much more important than “what” we do.

“Assumptions” work better than hard and fast rules, but every assumption needs to be tested and validated and when it has been validated, it becomes a rule of thumb for a time but it never absolute or final.

Interim measures work better than deadlocked “solutions” because deadlocked solutions usually turn out to be dead end streets.

Invitations are better than edicts and expectations work better than mandates.

Collaboration is difficult, a modern hair shirt for most but competition is even more difficult and in the end, ineffective. We are partners in service not competitors in sales.

Be deferential to the meek, assertive but gentle toward the strong.

Those who recognize their powerlessness will eventually come to know their strength.

Never belittle the good efforts of the humble but let the humble be proud of what God has accomplished in them.

And don’t forget the salami technique. “One thin slice at a time!” It takes longer but tastes better and you’ll always go back for more.

Above and beyond all, listen carefully before you speak. Pursue wisdom and understanding under all circumstances. Let mutual trust and lasting fidelity be the foundation of your lives as individuals and as a community. We are a community covenanted in Christ.

I’m sure there are other little gems that you can add to these but I think these will hold until we meet again.

On this first Sunday in Advent, 2005, I offer message as my concluding commentary on Saint Joseph Parish. I will always be grateful for what you taught me despite my obtuse spirit and occasional brain density. But before ‘signing off,’ I need to pay tribute to departing members of the parish staff:

To Parish Secretary, Barbara Durfee, the chief ‘tone-setter’ for the parish house. If it is true that the first impressions are lasting impressions and if it is also true that the first person you meet in any organization determines how well that organization will be respected and loved, Barbara is proof positive. Barbara never had a bad day – or if she did, we never knew about it. Her ‘job’ was her vocation.

To Religious Ed Secretary, Judy Magaletta, the woman behind the scenes whose creative instincts for what works and what does not work will be remembered forever. Judy was Jim’s sidekick though rarely in public view. Judy was the one who made all those last minute changes so patiently even when ‘duck tape’ wouldn’t work as a last resort. Judy was also Barbara’s sidekick in the parish house, greeting visitors and fielding phone calls with the same concern when Barbara was unavailable.

To Youth Ministry, Mary Lyons, mother of four and mother of hundreds. Yes, sometimes Mary treated the parish teens as she would her own kids but always with their best interest in mind. Mary is the one who came up with those unique program titles such as ‘TLC’ – Together Learning Christ and ‘FOG’ – Force of Good and I think she had a few more up her sleeve just in case. Mary was big on ‘service’ and the success of the diverse teen service projects is due to her persistence. Mary and Jim collaborated on TLC and the Confirmation preparation process.

To Parish Worship Coordinator, Angela Calogero whose expertise in liturgy and parish worship was due not only to her degree in pastoral ministry but also to her personal enthusiasm for the liturgical tradition of the Roman Catholic Church. It is in her blood! She did not compromise on the essentials but she was flexible on the non-essentials that may have gotten her in trouble with the ‘higher ups’ in the diocesan bureaucracy at times. Angela was on the cutting edge of the explosion of lay ministers in the life of the Church. If worship is the most important thing we do as a parish community, then no effort is too great or too small when it comes to quality worship.

To Parish Calendar Coordinator, Judy Wypyszynski, also known as ‘Judy Wyp’ whose ability to make putting together a parish calendar appear ‘as easy as pie.’ Judy also coordinated the parish implementation of the Diocesan abuse prevention program, ‘Virtus.’ She also assisted Mary Lyons and also ‘filled in’ for Barbara and Judy when both were stretched to the limit.

They were the salt of the earth and I will always count them as full players on the team that made St. Joseph a full member of the league.

“Time will pass quickly but the heart will never forget!”

In the words of St. Paul, “I, then, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace; one body and one Spirit, as you were also called to the one hope of your call; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” {Ephesians 4:1-6]

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you always!”

Bye for now!

Father Lasch

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